Debate Prep Session #3

 "Let's have you sit at this table like in the real debate." 

"Unfold your arms. You want to be open and welcoming."

"Use your teacher voice - go up a couple of notches in volume. It helps with confidence."

"It's almost annoying how good you are at this."

"You should coach debate at your high school Audryn. Like seriously. You're really good at this."

Yesterday was my third 3-hour debate prep session and it was "mock debate" time. I was actually in debate in high school. My BFF Katie Herman and I were paired in doubles for an event called "policy" (I think?). I wasn't good. At all. I don't know if we ever even won. Joining debate in high school isn't where the positive remarks came from though: it's a combination of the "values" work I've done in therapy and a 12-Step Program (shout out to my CoDA people) plus being a teacher. A special education teacher none the less. 

At one point, one of the Elevate team members, Gabi, told me that I'm really good at breaking things down in a way that she understands - and she has no understanding of education, so that's saying something. I was flattered to hear that I was able to break something down for easy understanding and I told her that as a special education teacher, that is the highest compliment!

Here's a secret for you: I'm kind of excited about this debate. I'm wildly nervous. I already know I'll be an anxious mess beforehand. I won't have an appetite, my arm pits will be sweaty and my hands will be ice cold. I'll shake a little bit and will one hundred percent choke while speaking and then blush. How do I know this? Because it happens every time I sing in church. And I'm considering this debate a 60-minute solo in church. 

I feel prepared in the sense that I've practiced tying every question back into my values, and as an educator with lived experiences, I have the expertise I need. I asked my family to fast for me on Sunday though. I also fasted - for the first time in a loooong time. I didn't fast that I would get it all correct as much as that I would be able to say what I want to and feel confident. Weirdly enough, I feel like so much is riding on this debate. I don't know why. The audience of viewers will likely be less than 100 the night of, and even then I'm not sure the reach will get much further than that. Still, I've put so much time and preparation and mental anguish into this debate. I want it to go well. I want it to go really REALLY well. I want to freaking crush this thing. Maybe that's too high of an expectation for myself, but also, it's not. I don't mind being in the spotlight, but this is a brand new, never before had experience, and I don't know what to expect. I wish I could have different versions of myself participate - and then go back in time and do it for real - so I could be fully present in this experience. 

Tomorrow feels like the day of reckoning: I have an IEP at 7:30 am and then I'm rushing to the district office for an all-day training. After the training I'm heading straight to Kearns High for their School Community Council, and then I will swing by my house and change before heading to the debate. (There's no time for dinner until after the debate. Wish me luck.) After the debate is over though, I will feel as free as a bird, because I will be heading on a much anticipated sister + cousin trip to Boston the next day. My soul will be filled and my cup will runneth over. 

Let's DO THIS THING.